Herpes is passed on only when it is active on the skin. You can do a
great deal to prevent transmission, however, there is a small risk that the
virus may be reactivating even though your body does not sense an outbreak.
For herpes to move from one person to another, one person must have herpes and
the other person must be susceptible (not have that type of herpes). Further,
these 2 individuals must engage in contact (usually sexual contact) during a
period when virus replication is active (growing) on the skin or mucous membrane.
When skin herpes is active, protection is achieved by completely avoiding sore-to-skin
contact. A condom does not offer sufficient protection against transmission when
a sore is present.
Anywhere herpes is active is a place to avoid having contact. If it
is in the mouth, then avoid kissing, oral sex, and so on. If on the finger,
keep your hand to yourself while your infection is active. If it is on your
thigh, watch what rubs against your partner (try bandaging it). If it is on
the genitals, during active infection avoid genital contact and consider using
safer (protected) sex practices during other (asymptomatic) times. Using precautions
during times without symptoms will reduce the chance of transmission during
those infrequent times when virus reactivates on the skin in very mild episodes.
If an active episode is too mild to notice, it is called asymptomatic. The virus
is on the skin, just not being noticed.
Herpes generally stays in specific areas of your body. For example,
you need not avoid kissing if you have active genital herpes unless you have
active sores on your mouth, just as people with cold sores on the mouth needn't
avoid genital sex - just putting mouth-to-skin when sores are active. In other
words, active herpes is a time to avoid contact with affected areas, but not
a time to avoid contact altogether. In fact, it is a time for creative contact.
Learn to have contact while avoiding the area of skin actively affected with
herpes. This is critical. Total abstinence is okay for a while, but it leads
to changes in self-image that are not necessary or useful.